Nostalgia as sisters

I was just thinking how simple life used to be when we were kids. Fun had a completely different definition all together! My sister is four years elder to me but I never really felt much age difference and would almost treat her as my equal ;-). There were times when she was bossy and protective though but mostly she was very friendly and fun. The age gap almost disappeared by the time I became a teenager.

Back then we used to play a lot of stupid and funny games. Like, standing in the balcony, watching vehicles on the road and then guessing which one would come next. So if I guessed a bike and a bike appeared I won the game. When I was younger I used to look up to her and would always be completely mesmerized with the forever new games or puzzles she would get home. One such puzzle game was to ask the other person, "What ka matlab kya hota hai?" '(What is the meaning of what?' :)). Silly games like that. At that time I did think of it as a very intelligent game :-). These and many other such fun puzzles and stories would increase my reverence for her by multitudes. I would then replay those with my friends and classmates and bask in the glory.

She would come home from school a an hour or two later than me. Often, she would get candies along. That would be really exciting. Also, sometimes she would be generous in telling me incidents from her day in school. I always found them very fascinating -imagining what life was like when you were a senior.

I also remember my birthdays in school. A birthday used to be a really big day. I would always want it to fall on a school day. We were supposed to carry sweets to class and not be dressed in uniform. Eventually everyone would sing for the birthday kid and then he or she would distribute the sweets in class. In my case, after the celebration in my classroom, I would always go to my sis's class. And then with the usual "Please may I come in ma'am" and the obvious awareness of being the priviledged kid of the day with all eyes on you, I would walk up to her desk and give her the sweets with a sheepish grin on my face.

It just feels so hilarious when I look back at those times now. But I do miss all that simplicity and innocence.

Grandma

Today I saw grandma in my dream. My Nani. Interestingly, that was the last part of my dream and after that I instantly woke up. The dream went like this.

I am with family, all in the kitchen having some interesting discussion when I suddenly hear a voice calling me with my nick name. I look at the door (the door is open) and get the feeling that it is Nani. So brimming with excitement, I utter, "Nani?" and there she is, standing at the door, her face beaming like sunshine, wearing a grey sari with yellow and black mixed border, looking graceful as ever. She has her arms held out to me. I rush to her, hug her and feel her warm embrace. Then I bend down to touch her feet. And that is when I realise (in my dream) that my Nani died 4 years ago (which is true in real life). So, I look up at her with questioning eyes, "Nani? You ...". She just smiles and says "Chiranjeev" and then adds, "Beta, I have to rush to ...". And then she leaves. With that, my eyes open instantly, and I find myself lying on my bed, sleeping into the afternoon of the day (slept at like 5 in the morning).

I miss Nani. And I wish I had been able to see her the day she died and offer the last respects. She was 75, but she was more active and full of life than all of us pulled together. I was in office and they took her body away because it was getting late and I could not make it on time. I often get that feeling of loss of not having seen her the last time. I think that feeling has remained with me and I dont know if that is the reason I see her in my dreams. Or does she really come in my dreams, knowingly, to comfort me? I know, it sounds silly and irrational, but I would still like to believe that.

She was perectly fine till the morning she had the heart attack which took her away. And she was fully conscious till the last few seconds. All the while she was walking along in the hospital (she did not need a stretcher) mentioning small details about what to do with her body after she dies despite us comforting her she would be fine. But she kept insisting. She kind of knew that she was going to going away. It is said that people of noble birth get a sense that they are going to die before death knocks on their door. I think she was one of them.

I do remember that just a few days before her death, I had gone to meet her at my Mama's place. And we had chatted to glory. I had shown her the photographs of me from our rafting trip. And then while leaving, she had said, "I really liked that you came, I am very happy you came". Those were her last words to me. Sometimes, I just feel they probably had a meaning. It is like something knew, I was not going to see her again and those words came out of her mouth. She was so wonderful. And she had this amazing relationship with everyone. Home wasn't home without her.

Just last weekend we had Pooja at our place (in India) praying for Nani and Nanaji during the Shraadhs. I was remembering her. According to the calendar the Shraadhs end tonight of Amavasya (IST, which is today afternoon US time) and then the Navratris begin. And that was also the exact timing of my dream. I know, you would call me irrational if I say there was something special about this dream and I would agree in principle. But emotionally speaking, it was so wonderful to see her, that I would rather believe she came to visit me. And who knows, maybe she did.

Thanks for visiting, grandma. We love you and miss you. We are sure by now you would have had some great noble birth in some pious land, where you are spreading your radiance, just like you did when you were with us. We will all always remember you, wish you and pray for you from our hearts.

From all of us who've been blessed by your presence

("Nani" = maternal grandmother, "Mama" = maternal uncle, in Hindi)

Dad's letters

I remember when I was in school, in my teenage years, dad had a transfer to a remote place. It was my parents decision then, that mom and I would move to Delhi for my education sake. This was a period of 4 years from my 9th grade to 12th grade. After that dad joined us in Delhi and since then we have been there. My sis was already in a medical school then.


Dad used to write letters from where ever he was. Yes, those were the days of letters. No emails. Of course he used to call, but that would be mostly once a week or something. And I loved to write detailed stuff that could never be done on the phone. Moreover, my dad is a man of a few words. So you cannot talk with him for very long.

So back to the letters. He would be extremely regular in writing. And you would always get a reply to your letter. Always. But the contents of his letter were very predictable. The letter would never be more than half a page long. Sometimes it could even be 4-5 lines. There would be a basic skeleton of the important matter that would repeat much through all the letters. If he had anything new or interesting he'd add a line or two about that. But mostly this.


Dear MyNickName,

Hope you and mom are doing well. I am doing fine too. How is your health? Hope you are eating fruits, juice, milk regularly. Do take care of your and mom's health. How are your studies going on? Work hard. You know time is very important. Put in your best effort.

Rest everything is fine. The weather here is ... I will call you on ...

[Space for anything new and interesting]

Your Papa.

So I guess it boiled down to health, studies and weather... But you know, however predictable it was, I always enjoyed it thoroughly. And he had a beautiful hand writing. He still has. Sometimes I used to play the game of guess what's written before I read the letter. Mom used to laugh at me. And hey... come to think of it, I do miss letter writing sometimes. I mean telephone and email are great, but there is something beautiful about a letter that is not there in this neo digital era of communication.