Grandma

Today I saw grandma in my dream. My Nani. Interestingly, that was the last part of my dream and after that I instantly woke up. The dream went like this.

I am with family, all in the kitchen having some interesting discussion when I suddenly hear a voice calling me with my nick name. I look at the door (the door is open) and get the feeling that it is Nani. So brimming with excitement, I utter, "Nani?" and there she is, standing at the door, her face beaming like sunshine, wearing a grey sari with yellow and black mixed border, looking graceful as ever. She has her arms held out to me. I rush to her, hug her and feel her warm embrace. Then I bend down to touch her feet. And that is when I realise (in my dream) that my Nani died 4 years ago (which is true in real life). So, I look up at her with questioning eyes, "Nani? You ...". She just smiles and says "Chiranjeev" and then adds, "Beta, I have to rush to ...". And then she leaves. With that, my eyes open instantly, and I find myself lying on my bed, sleeping into the afternoon of the day (slept at like 5 in the morning).

I miss Nani. And I wish I had been able to see her the day she died and offer the last respects. She was 75, but she was more active and full of life than all of us pulled together. I was in office and they took her body away because it was getting late and I could not make it on time. I often get that feeling of loss of not having seen her the last time. I think that feeling has remained with me and I dont know if that is the reason I see her in my dreams. Or does she really come in my dreams, knowingly, to comfort me? I know, it sounds silly and irrational, but I would still like to believe that.

She was perectly fine till the morning she had the heart attack which took her away. And she was fully conscious till the last few seconds. All the while she was walking along in the hospital (she did not need a stretcher) mentioning small details about what to do with her body after she dies despite us comforting her she would be fine. But she kept insisting. She kind of knew that she was going to going away. It is said that people of noble birth get a sense that they are going to die before death knocks on their door. I think she was one of them.

I do remember that just a few days before her death, I had gone to meet her at my Mama's place. And we had chatted to glory. I had shown her the photographs of me from our rafting trip. And then while leaving, she had said, "I really liked that you came, I am very happy you came". Those were her last words to me. Sometimes, I just feel they probably had a meaning. It is like something knew, I was not going to see her again and those words came out of her mouth. She was so wonderful. And she had this amazing relationship with everyone. Home wasn't home without her.

Just last weekend we had Pooja at our place (in India) praying for Nani and Nanaji during the Shraadhs. I was remembering her. According to the calendar the Shraadhs end tonight of Amavasya (IST, which is today afternoon US time) and then the Navratris begin. And that was also the exact timing of my dream. I know, you would call me irrational if I say there was something special about this dream and I would agree in principle. But emotionally speaking, it was so wonderful to see her, that I would rather believe she came to visit me. And who knows, maybe she did.

Thanks for visiting, grandma. We love you and miss you. We are sure by now you would have had some great noble birth in some pious land, where you are spreading your radiance, just like you did when you were with us. We will all always remember you, wish you and pray for you from our hearts.

From all of us who've been blessed by your presence

("Nani" = maternal grandmother, "Mama" = maternal uncle, in Hindi)

Swimlogue

So more about my swimming class. Today the instructor, lets call him Mr W, taught us the first swimming stroke. The class was interesting. And yes, I had the excitement of being so close to swimming. So this is how they do it, types. Except that I am not so close. I am far from far.

The only thing I can do right in water yet, is prone float like a still dead body (face down). That is my only achievement till now. I can kick and float and move forward in water from one end of the pool to the other (of course only 4-5 feet deep) but it is clumsy and I also lose my direction sense. So if I start from like a corner of the rectangle and am supposed to move straight along that line to the other corner, I end up moving in a trajectory at the diagonally opposite corner with a deviation of like 20-30 degrees. That is very bad. If you are with me in the swimming pool, it can be fun for you- sitting and making guesses, which point will she hit this time?

So, yes, swimming is not as easy as I thought. I think it has a lot to do with coordination. I mean, you need to be doing more than one things at a time and the moment you lose that, you are into the water. I think people who are good at sports or at least dancing, may be faster learners. I can see a bunch in my class, who do it right the very first time. My brain is still learning to multi-task. Given this, I think it shall take me at least 4-5 instructors with full swimming lessons to reach a stage which is called swimming. But that is not going to be much of a problem because I love being in water. And at least my fear of water (at least upto 5 feet deep) is going away. If I still look at the 10 feet deep side, I get shudders though. But I am not giving up.

In between the class just for increasing our enthu, Mr. W clapped and asked us to take a short break and answer this question, "What is heavier? A quintal of Cotton or a quintal of steel?" And guess what. Someone shouted and answered back with tremendous enthusiasm, "A quintal of steel!" And we all had a laugh. Just FYI, the person who answered that was me. This is such a cliched trap question and I fall for it everytime. How I look at it is that I make people happy by my absent-mindedness. What say?

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By the way, there is this short story that I want to share. It is generally told at the Vipassana meditation camps, but since it is related to swimming and is such a sweet story, I thought I'll mention it here. There is this huge ship taking people from one continent to another. It has people from various cultures, societies, classes and backgrounds. Incidentally, there is a research professor who studies geology and all this weather and ocean science etc. And then there is a small sailor who gets really impressed by the knowledge of this professor. They start having this conversation.

The professor (say P), says, "So what is your education level." Sailor (say S) humbly shakes his head and says, "I have had not much education sir. I just do sailing and travel around the world and earn my livelihood." P asks, "So, since you are a sailor you must have at least studied geology?" S manages, "No sir not at all". P flabbergasted, "If you have not studied geology, then you have wasted one quarter of your whole life!" Continues, "Have you at least studied Oceanography?" S shakes again and then P, even more disappointed says, "Man! You are a sailor and you have not studied oceanography? Then you have wasted half of your life!" S looks sad and shameful now. P continues further, "Have you at least studied a bit of meteorology?" S shakes again and digs his chin into his chest, feeling really hopeless at how much he does not know. Completely taken aback at how little the sailor knows about all these important sciences, P says, "Hey man! You have wasted three quarters of your life! I feel so bad for you." The conversation breaks here.

The next day dawns. The professor is sitting proudly amidst a group of admirers boastfully telling stories of science and advancements and all that. Suddenly, there is chaos on the ship and the sailor comes running to the professor and cries, "Have you studied swimology sir?" P -"Swimology? what do you mean?" S, "Swimming sir, I mean did you learn swimming?". "No", the professor replies hastily at which S remarks, "Then professor you have wasted all your life. The ship has struck a rock and is sinking. Those who know how to swim can manage upto an island nearby , others will only die, sir. I am sorry, sir".

The relevance of this story in life (as told in Vipassana camps), is about differentiating between knowledge gained by reading/hearing/listening/rationalizing (the Intellect) and knowledge gained by experience (the wisdom). And that it is only this knowledge gained by experience (wisdom) that is superior and guides us through our tumultous times.

So, another reason for me to learn swimming! *smile* Swimology!

An update: I am still where I was a week ago in swimming. The moment I try to do the swim stroke I lose my balance. :-(

If your desires...

"If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted".
That is Orkut's prediction for me today. Read the rest to understand the irony.

Just came back from school. And currently in the To be or not to be kind of situation (append on vacation). My classes began on the 23rd of August. Most profs are so boring, they give assignments the second day. Mostly, you are given a week's time to complete them. Incidently or fortunately, I have only one course where typical assignments can be given. The others are courses that have paper presentations every other week or something like that. And there is swimming of course, which is more of a refreshment than anything.

Classes for the course which is assignment-capable are held on Mondays and Wednesdays. Last wednesday was the second wednesday since school opened and I had my fingers crossed all through the class, murmuring, "Ab to assignment milega hee" (this class, we WILL get an assignment for sure). But guess what? The prof gave us the most pleasant surprise. So there I was- a long weekend without a homework to do. Can you believe it? How relaxing can that be? If I were a teacher ever, I would always do that. Give loads of homeworks during the week and nothing for the weekend. I have had professors in the past, who have been mean enough to hold mid terms exactly the day after the fall or the spring break. What's wrong with them? Why not hold them before the break or at least 3-4 days after the break. They think we would love to study during those breaks? I think idleness is underrated. The more you would enjoy your weekends and breaks, the more fun you would have studying and the harder you would work. Isnt that a simple concept to understand and implement!

Today, that professor finally gave us our first assignment. :-( I know I should not crib. He gave us a happy long weekend. But you know, I was quietly hoping inside and wondering if a miracle would happen. All through the lecture, while he was scribbling semiconductor equations on the board trying to catch one pair of eyes which had the attention he was seeking, I was constantly dreaming about my coming weekend. How wonderful it would be if there would again be no assignment, and I could coolly go off to NY and spend the weekend there with Inder. And then I was calculating. The prof had said he would give us like 7-8 homeworks for the semester. So if he starts on coming Monday, it still gives a lot of rope for all the assignments before the semester ends. So, the possibility does not seem too less. However, in the middle of the class, the prof reshuffled his folder of notes and separated a bundle of stapled papers from it. That made the rest of the lecture a nightmare. My eyes could see that they were nothing but copies of assignment problems stacked one above another, but my mind was still wandering in the land of possibilities. "Extravagant desires" as stupid Orkut would say! A little too much to ask eh?

Now, I sit like a muddle head wondering whether I can still go to NYC as well as do my homework there - that would be a win win situation according to the clans of Steven Covey. But am I there yet?